I have a few minutes to record more details about our first week as Foster Parents. More accurately a Foster Family. When I imagined taking foster kids I always wanted it to be something we do as a family. All members on board. I have always felt a need to raise my boys to be tender and kind. I want them to notice the needs of others and serve them. I want them to be a fearless protector of the weak, disabled, the bullied. I don't know why... wait I do know why. Because it is what I wish I was when I was a kid. Instead I judged and sometimes even teased kids that were not as "cool" as me. Call this the confessions of a reformed snob.
I digress. I also feel the need to push myself to overcome my fears and weaknesses. I want to help people but I never how. So I decided to invite the people who need help right into our home. Make them a part of our family. In essence, force us to love and serve and protect the weak and needy. And maybe even have the opportunity to reach out to the parents and help them reunite with their child.
A wonderful thought, but so many scary thoughts to follow. What will this child do to our family? I mean, we got it pretty easy these days. Two awesome boys who are hilarious, talented, sweet, the list goes on. We pretty much put it on cruise control and let this family coast. Ok. it's not all that easy all the time. But on a whole we have a very peaceful home. Why would I want to disrupt that? I don't know maybe you can tell me.
Anyways, as promised in the title I will give you more details of the week. First of all, just hours after we got licensed and spoke with our placement coordinator we received an email about a 2 year old boy who needed a home. We said no because of things we had going on. But it just surprised me that a child was needing a home that was in our small window of age, 0-3 years. The next day another email. This time it was an email with all the kids the agency was trying to place in homes. 14 in all. Ranging from 1year- 18years old. The one that caught our eye was 2 sisters ages 1 and 2 "very sweet". So Jake and I decided to go for it. This was the first time they were in the system so very little information was known about how things would progress. But we thought we would just jump in and see what this fostering thing is all about. We ended up going to pick them up which is not typical. This was all on a Friday afternoon and we were told no one could get them to us until Sunday. They were in a 78 hour 'Safe Place'. The only place of it's kind in western Washington. Designed to be a place where kids that are pulled out of their homes can get clean, clothed, fed, sleep, play, and get medical care while they are waiting to be placed in a foster home.
So, after a few phone calls back ad forth, I felt like this was actually going to happen so it was time to tell me boys what was going on. O got super excited, big smiles. And after he said, "I always wanted a sister!" he added, "Oh, that's going to be even more work for me." I assured him it was my job to take care of the kids, but his responsibility to teach them how to behave and treat each other. He takes his Big Brother job very seriously. He really loves it. Just yesterday when we asked the boys if they were ready to have another child live with us he got excited and then mentioned that he loves C and F. He is a sweetie.
By the time we got home late Friday night my head was pounding. I could feel myself getting sick. I am going to try to not talk about that a ton but it really affected me. It wasn't just a cold. It was the never ending plague. The end.
The girls did not seem scared or worried about coming to our house. C (2 1/2) was confused. Lots of questions and curious about the house. Bed time the first night was difficult. Putting a child to bed that you don't know a thing about is really hard. After doing everything in our power to help them feel safe and comforted we just had to put them down and let them go to sleep.
After talking to my mom on the phone the next day she hopped in the car and drove 3 hours to help me and Jake. It was just like when I brought home my new born babies. She camped out on the couch for the next 3 nights. There is a special place in heaven for Grandmas! So many people helped through out the week with meals, rides to school for O, girl toys, clothes, play dates for M. I felt very loved and taken care of.
The mornings were hard. There was a lot of crying. Turned out F (16 mo.) had an ear infection. That explained her crying, anger, and need to be held ALL the time. We got antibiotics for her on Tuesday. By Sunday C felt more comfortable showing us her tantrum side. And I think she was starting to feel more unsure about what was going on. Why was she still at our house? Where are the people she is familiar with? She only asked one time where her mom was, that was the first night.. A ton of answers ran through my mind, I should have thought about what I should say to this question, but I ended up saying, "I don't know." On Sunday when I got the feeling that she might be growing scared and confused, I decided to bring up the subject of 'Mom' again. And I would be a little more prepared this time. While she was brushing her teeth I told her... I wish I would have written it down. I am drawing a total blank right now. I said something to the effect that she is going to live at our house and maybe she will have visits with her mom. The whole time they lived with us C called me Mommy. Sometimes Mommy Kristi.
I mentioned the many feelings we had during this week. The first word or feeling that comes to mind is OVERWELMED. Parenting 4 kids is a lot of work! Trying to have so much patients with the girls and then snapping at my own kids. Because so much attention and energy was going to the girls I needed my boys to do exactly what I say exactly when I say it. And that's not really fair when typically I give them a long leash.
Just the thought of going out of the house was overwhelming, so we didn't.
And then there is the extra paperwork and records I need to keep as a foster parent, overwhelming.
Jake and I learned so much from the week. We learned how important all the little things are so we didn't get completely consumed by the kids. Making an effort to connect with each other. When there is so much chaos all the time it becomes very easy to lose touch with our relationships. Husband and wife, Mother and son, Father and son. It all just becomes getting things done, putting our fires, stay on top of the mess. Taking little moments to connect and be together in the same space and in the same moment became very important to me. It takes a lot of effort.
I think that is a lot to read for one post. I just want to say thank you to everyone who supported us and helped in any way. And if you didn't get a chance to help with these girls, don't worry we will have more. Just one at a time from now on. In the words of an exhausted Jake at the noisy dinner table, "Maybe 4 was a little ambitious."
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